A Decided Decision

My heart is palpitating. My breaths are increasingly apparent. I can't sit still. I want this day to be over, yet I don't ever want the clock to strike three.

Today is decision day, unless life's most difficult decisions are already made for us... unless we unknowingly make it ourselves. If we really want something, we can achieve it. But, how do we know what we truly want?

When an opportunity presents itself at a time when you thought you had everything figured out, do you drop your plans and turn around, or do you put your head down and drive on? At times like these, I scour the world for signs, any arrow that will point me in a certain direction.

But the only sign I discovered was the one that blindsided me.

I thought I had my future figured out for the next year: a one-way ticket to Australia with Visa approval to work. However, a job opportunity has not only revealed itself, but it called to me. And it all comes down to the interview. Worst-case scenario, it doesn't work out and I embark on an adventure to the Land Down Under, but could that also the best-case scenario?

A "Pros and Cons" list is scribbled over the last two weeks in my planner. The decision has fogged my mind, forced me to create moments of solace, and encouraged me to read Malcom Gladwell's ''Outliers.'' But ultimately, the question persists: Is the decision really up to me?

In my heart, I know the flood of disappointment will be devastating for one of these outcomes, but I am also aware that I unknowingly have made the decision all along. I just have to hope that the feeling on the other side of the world, or the feeling in my own backyard, is mutual.

NOTE: Written on October 20; published on December 20, in Australia.